


Pretender

by anyjay



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 20:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2402231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyjay/pseuds/anyjay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“….He only plays the fool.  He may in fact be the least foolish one among us.”<br/>“It’s an optimistic theory, but if Ivan is so calculating, how can he have been like this since he could walk?” the Count asked plaintively.  “You’d make of him a fiendishly Machiavellian five-year-old, dear Captain.”<br/>“I don’t insist on the interpretation…”<br/>--Lois McMasters Bujold, Mirror Dance</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretender

Ivan has lots of friends. There are lots of kids who come to his house to play while their mommies talk to his mommy, and Ivan likes all of them, and shares his toys with most of them – the ones who don’t break things – and so they are his friends.

Some of his friends have a mommy and a daddy, the same as his cousin Miles. But most of them only have mommies, the same as Ivan. Most of them, their dad died in the ‘tendership, like Ivan’s dad.

The ‘tendership happened because of a bad, bad man. Ivan’s Daddy and Gregor’s Mommy are dead because of him. Lots of mommies and daddies died because the bad man wanted to be emperor, which was stupid because Gregor is emperor and Gregor is only 8. Gregor was even littler during the ‘tendership, littler than Ivan is now. Ivan doesn’t know why a grown-up man would want to do something a little boy does. Mostly Gregor has to review troops, which is fun, and get introduced to grown-ups, which isn’t. And Gregor has to study and learn a lot of stuff because the emperor has to be really, really smart. Everyone is proud of how smart Gregor is, Uncle Aral and Aunt Cordelia and Mommy and everyone.

Ivan is starting school soon and Mommy will be proud of him, too, because Ivan is also smart. Ivan is learning how to write. Gregor is helping him. It’s a secret surprise for his Mommy. Gregor wrote out Ivan’s whole name, and Ivan practices it when he can. When Ivan can write his whole name all by himself without looking at the paper, he will show his Mommy and she will be very happy. She will tell Uncle Aral and Aunt Cordelia and all her friends how smart Ivan is.

But Ivan won’t have time to practice today.

Today Pavil is coming to play. Ivan likes Pavil. He always brings good toys to share and he hardly ever breaks anything. Pavil’s mommy and daddy both died in the ‘tendership, so Pavil lives with his Aunt Olga, like Gregor lives with Aunt Cordelia and Uncle Aral. Sometimes Pavil’s cousin Anton comes to visit with Pavil. Ivan doesn’t like Anton. Anton brings toys, too, but he doesn’t share because he says Ivan and Pavil are too little. And Anton is the one who broke Ivan’s toy sword, the one that Uncle Aral gave him. Anton says he didn’t, but he is a liar.

This time when Pavil and Anton and Anton’s mommy come to visit, they bring Anton’s daddy and another man Ivan hasn’t seen before. He is Pavil’s other uncle, and he brings flowers and kisses Ivan’s mommy’s hand. Ivan doesn’t like him, but he’s not worried because he can tell mommy doesn’t like Pavil’s uncle Andre either. Ivan’s mommy always talks to people she doesn’t like in her special extra-polite voice.

Pavil’s Uncle Andre gives Ivan candy, but Ivan still doesn’t like him. Besides, mommy takes the candy and says Ivan can’t have it until after dinner.

Pavil’s uncles say the children should go play so that the adults can talk. Ivan isn’t sure. He’s the man of the family, and he has to protect his mommy. But Ivan’s mommy nods, and Ivan decides she’ll be all right. Besides he hates sitting still while grown-ups talk.

They play tag for a while, but it makes Pavil unhappy. He doesn’t run as fast as Ivan or Anton. Ivan is a good host, like his mommy taught him, so he tells Pavil he can choose the next game. Pavil chooses hide and seek, and Ivan volunteers to be ‘it.’ Anton is not a good hider, though, and Ivan finds him right away. Then it is Anton’s turn to hide his eyes and count.

The yard isn’t big, but Ivan knows the best place to hide – in among the flowery bushes next to the house right underneath the parlor window.

The parlor window is open. He can hear the grown-ups inside, but he doesn’t pay attention until he hears his mother say his name. 

“I’m sure the children are fine,” one of the uncles says.

“Of course,” his mother says, “but I’ll feel better if I check on them.”

Ivan hears his mother walk away. It sounds like hide-and-seek will be over soon, but Ivan decides to stay where he is until his mother calls him.

“What do you think?” one uncle asks.

“Kind of a cold bitch, don’t you think? How’s she expect to get another husband with an attitude like that?” the other uncle says.

“You don’t think she deserves to have a little attitude? She’s the mother of the next emperor.”

“Only if Gregor does turn into another Mad Yuri. Otherwise I’m burdened with that cold stick and the cost of raising another man’s son.”

“Even if Gregor doesn’t go mad on his own, there are plenty of chemicals that can induce the symptoms. I can guarantee you he’ll die bloody. Once he’s gone, who do you think they’ll pick for the next emperor? The Vorkosigan mutie?”

Ivan’s eyes opened big and round. The man had said M-word. Ivan said it once and he’s never seen Mommy so mad. Ivan hopes the man will say it in front of Mommy. She will make him go away and never come back.

But the man is still speaking. “Ivan Vorpatril’s blood line is impeccable. He’ll grow up the very image of a Barrayarian emperor: healthy, handsome and above all, of sound mind. And who better to advise the young emperor than his loving step-father and step-uncle. Surely it’s worth a frosty wife to become the power behind the throne, the true ruler of the empire.”

“You think Vorkorsigan will just sit back and let someone other than his son take the throne?”

“Of course not. There’ll be another war, a few more dead Vor, possibly an excuse for the new emperor to confiscate a few estates – not everything the Vorkorsigans own is radioactive, after all. But most Barrayarians would choose a horse as emperor before they’d let a mutie to sit on the throne. And when you’re regent—”

Ivan hears his Mommy calling, and he runs to her and hugs her tight. He can’t help crying a little bit.

“Ivan,” she asks, “what is it? Are you hurt?”

“I don’t want another war,” Ivan says. “I don’t want you to die, or Gregor, or Uncle Aral.”

“Ivan,” his Mommy says, “Don’t worry. There won’t be another war. I know there won’t.”

Ivan looks up at his mother, and sees her eyes. He nods and smiles, but inside he knows he has to find a way to protect his mommy. Because his mommy is afraid.

Pavil and Anton go away, and the adults go with them. Mommy takes Ivan for dinner with Uncle Aral and Aunt Cordelia. Ivan gets to play with Gregor and Miles, and forgets for a while about what the men said.

But later, after Mommy puts him to bed, Ivan can’t stop thinking about it. They want to make Ivan into a ‘tender, like the bad man who killed Ivan’s daddy. They want to do that because of Ivan’s family, because Ivan doesn’t have breaky bones, like Cousin Miles, and because Ivan is handsome and because he has ‘sound mind’ whatever that is.

Ivan can’t change his family. Even if he could, he doesn’t want to leave his mommy. He’s the man of the family, and he has to take care of her.

He could break his leg, then people might think he was like Cousin Miles. But Ivan does all the things that Cousin Miles does, and Ivan’s legs haven’t broken even once. Maybe they would break if he jumped off the roof. But maybe he would die instead, and then how could he protect Mommy?

He could cut or burn his face so he wasn’t handsome anymore. But Ivan heard Mommy once tell a man that the big scar on his face that it made him look ‘dashing.’ Ivan thought dashing was kind of like handsome. So even if Ivan did cut his face, he might accidentally make himself more handsome. That would be bad.

If ‘sound mind’ is a good thing for an emperor to have, it must mean smart. Gregor is smart, and Ivan is very smart, too. Ivan doesn’t know how to make himself stupid. 

There will be war. Mommies and Daddies will die and it will be Ivan’s fault because he didn’t know how to make himself be broken or ugly or stupid.

But in war, it was okay to trick people. Miles’ grandpa tells lotsa stories about tricking people during the war.

Ivan could cough and sneeze and pretend to be sick all the time. That would work. Except he would have to take icky medicine. And he couldn’t run around outside or play with his friends. Especially he couldn’t visit Uncle Aral and Aunt Cordelia and Miles and Gregor, because no one wants Miles to get sick. And maybe the doctors would be able to tell he was pretending, and they would tell everybody he was a liar and his mommy would get mad.

Ivan could make an ugly face. That would trick people so they wouldn’t know he was handsome. Ivan sneaks quietly out of his bed, pulls a chair up to his bureau and climbs up to practice ugly faces in his mirror, by the light of his nightlight. He tries a lot of faces, until he figures out the very ugliest. But it is hard to hold his face this way. And if he forgets for even a minute, people might figure out it is just a face, and that he is really handsome after all.

Can Ivan trick everyone to make them think he isn’t smart? Gregor knows that Ivan is smart, because he is helping Ivan learn to write his name. But Gregor doesn’t tattle. It will be easy for Ivan to pretend he doesn’t know the answers in school. And if he forgets, and gives a right answer, he can say that Gregor had told him, or cousin Miles. It doesn’t matter how smart he is in his head, if he never tells what he knows, no one will every figure it out. That’s a trick he can do.

Ivan walks slowly to his bookshelf. He finds the hidden piece of paper where Gregor had written ‘Ivan Xav Vorpatril.’ Ivan traces the letters slowly one last time with his finger. Then Ivan carefully tears the paper into teeny, tiny pieces. He sits on the bed next to the little pile of shredded paper, and tries really hard not to cry. 

He has to pretend to be stupid. Mommy and Uncle Aral and Aunt Cordelia will never be proud of him. They will never brag about him to their friends.

But Ivan is the man of the family. He has to protect them all.


End file.
